Finding my own way to Jesus.

I always knew “He” was there. He wasn’t spoken about or embraced around our kitchen table or in our family culture. I had everything I needed growing up so I never knew something was missing. I was baptized episcopalian and taught just enough to know God was punitive and Hell was a very real place. I’d most likely find out because we are all sinners. In my lifetime I made some bad choices – some shameful. Baggage gets heavier and multiplies. Yet, in those darkest moments, some how my inner child knew to cry out to God. When it all seemed dark, when the lies became my truths, when my value

rested in everybody else, when despair became my friend and hope a weird word to be shunned. He. Was. There.

During a very dark period in my life, I made the recommitment to seek a relationship with Jesus. I was driven by a recurring dream of a man sitting on a park bench. My heart knew it was Jesus. I ignored confessing my sins until I had reached a point in my path when I had to give it all to Him. I was standing in my own way of his grace and love.

To this day, when I hear his voice we’re sitting on that same park bench, His arm around me like a true father saying I’m proud of you. We talk about life, challenges, my past experiences and how they have helped me in my path. Sometimes we even joke about my bad decisions because I no longer feel the shame.

I also committed to marrying a man of God both in word and action. Careful what you pray for because it comes with a lot more than just an amazing man! Whatever that looks like for you, pray on it, pray over it, pray through it.

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30